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Showing posts from April, 2019

Committed Unto Death

This Resurrection Sunday, (yesterday) I came to realise something I've known for a long time, but have somehow managed to avoid until now. I have a legitimate fear of planning things. Planning meals, planning my day, planning how to react in certain situations, planning dates, planning days off, planning special time with the kids, planning special time with Nathan, or friends. And my spontaneity is not shared by the majority. In fact, planning things is not just hard. It's crushing. It makes me afraid. Afraid that my plans aren't good enough, or that they won't work out. Afraid that because of the illegitimacy of my heart, my plans will always be lacking important things. Like leaving for a birthday party and forgetting the present, or having a blowout away from home, having forgotten the diaper bag. Or showing up at the pool without swimming suits. Or worse yet, having someone over and not having food to feed them. How about having someone over when you haven't